My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
