bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
