just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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