wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
my liver is dry heaving
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
