Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
