you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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