I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
