PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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