but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
