His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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