im drinking this country out of the recession.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize