Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
