I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
