i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
