So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
