So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
