just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
