doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
