forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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