It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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