Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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