i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
