It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
