your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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