ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize