He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
