Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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