If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
