tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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