You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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