dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
