He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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