And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
