I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
