Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
