Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
