i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
