Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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