How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
