He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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