he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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