We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
