If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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