Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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