i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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