I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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