Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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