There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
