I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
