We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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