My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
