you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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