This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
