I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
