I must be too annoying 4 u.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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