you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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