If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
