New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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