I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
