Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
