Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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