Im at strip club and am horny
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
