I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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