Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
