through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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