He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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