I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
